Make north your direction of change
How to get to know your values, and use this to take meaningful action
When facing a significant life change - whether we choose it or not - it can feel like our lives have been thrown off course.
Things are going to take a different direction than we originally planned, or
We don’t know what the outcome of this change process will be - or
how we might be changed in the process.
There are a lot of unknowns, and this can be very uncomfortable.
This is normal. So, when we find ourselves at the start of something new - a new job, new home, new relationship status, what's the best way to proceed? Given all the unknowns, a good place to start is with the things that you do know. Start by thinking about who you are, and what is important to you.
Start with your true north. Start with your values.
So, what are your values? Have a think.
You may not have asked yourself this question before. How about,
"Achieve all my KPIs by end of year"
"Run the NY marathon next year"
"Get married to the perfect person"
Did any of your responses sound like these? Whilst ambitious, and potentially important to you as an individual, these are not values. These are goals. Goals are things you can get, things you can achieve, things you can tick off a list and move on.
Values are what guides your actions, what you stand for, the way you treat yourself and others.
Values determine how you interact with the world. They are the principles you live by, the personal qualities and strengths you want to cultivate.
So why are values important to goals?
Well, if values underlie your goals (or you set your goals based on your values), you're far more likely to achieve them, and have a good (less stressful, less hectic) time pursuing them. There are no right or wrong values, just those that are meaningful to you. As everyone has different music preferences, so we have different values.
For example,
Making lots of money is a goal: being diligent, working strategically and acting with integrity are values
Getting married / having a child is a goal: being kind, loving and caring are values
Running a marathon is a goal: living a fit and healthy life are values
A goal is a desired outcome.
What do you want to get, complete, possess, achieve? The moment you achieve it, it's done.
You can think of values as a compass: you use them to set a direction, and help you stay on track during a journey. But looking at a compass won't give you a journey. The journey starts when you take action - and this is where goals come in.
Acting on your values is like travelling north.
No matter how far north you travel, there's always further to go. You never actually reach a place called "north" (thanks to Russ Harris, in his book "the Confidence Gap" who inspired this analogy).
In contrast, goals are like the places you want to visit whilst you’re travelling north: the countries, languages, people, cultures, landmarks, all the things that can be ticked off the list as you go. All done whilst travelling in line with your value of "north".
Ok, so now we understand the importance of values and goals. What are the things you want to stand for? How do you want to be remembered? How do you want to treat yourself and others?
For an exercise on how to set values-driven goals, see my article on "the pizza method" for guidance, and try it out yourself.
