How to Build Confidence
No body is born with it - you work for it, one day at a time.
A lot of people think that they can’t achieve their goals or perform their best until they feel more confident. The truth is that you can’t wait to feel confident before you start, - or you may never start!
There’s a difference between feeling and acting…
Let’s take two definitions of confidence:
A feeling of certainty or assurance
An act of trust or reliance
You don’t have to wait for 1, a feeling of confidence, to start doing 2, taking action towards improving your game. Once you take action again, and again, and again, with practice you develop the skills and experience you need to feel confident.
So if you want to play golf with confidence, you need to WORK for that confidence. It doesn’t just happen. Understand what skills are required, apply them in real life situations on the course, assess their effectiveness and make adjustments. This applies to both mental and physical skills. With enough practice, you will come to rely on them, and then you will develop the feeling of confidence!
It’s not about being scared, it's about how you manage your fear
Why do people “lack” confidence in their game?
They don’t have experience or skills to play the game
They are scared of the fearful thoughts and feelings that come up
They have excessive expectations and judge themselves harshly when they make mistakes
Any of these sound familiar? Good news, you can do something about each one!
First, a little about the brain...
Our brains are problem solving machines.
Which means they are always on the lookout for things that can harm us, thinking about past events to prevent them from happening in the future, or future events that we can predict and avoid. These patterns of thinking can be helpful if they lead to constructive improvement, but not if only focused on obstacles, stopping us from taking action.
For example, you struggle with motivation.
Unhelpful brain: tells you all the reasons why practicing is too hard, why you don’t have time, and how it won’t be much good anyway as you don’t play well in competition, etc. Why not rather go for a walk, or watch some tv, or surf social media? The brain does all it can to stop you from taking action towards your goals, minimise the risk of failure, and results in lower confidence.
Helpful brain: acknowledges the challenges. You know practice takes time, and is important to do it in the right way. The brain thinks right, I’m going to spend less time on social media, so I can practice twice a week, and make sure to follow a program that will enhance my game (not just hitting balls on the range). It comes up with strategies to address the perceived obstacles to practice, making you feel motivated.
Or another example, it makes predictions when you walk up to hit a five foot putt:
Unhelpful: oh no, you missed the same putt on the 3rd. And you’ve been putting terribly all day. You’re probably going to miss this. Don’t tense up!
Helpful: ok, I can hear my brain slightly freaking out here. Let me focus on my routine, and the things within my control. I know that the only way to make this putt is to fully commit and give it my best shot.
Or another example, comparing yourself to others. Comparisons can be helpful, if they point out what you can learn from others. Unhelpful if they don’t offer up opportunity for improvement, making you feel bad about yourself and less confident in your ability to perform:
Helpful: Wyndham Clarke just won the Pebble Beach classic with several impressive long range putts. I’m going to do some reading to find out his process, and how he’s built his confidence to be able to play such an amazing game.
Unhelpful: Wow, this man is too good. I’ll never be that good. What’s the point in practicing? I think I’ll rather (and then finds distractions to avoid the feeling of dejection…)
Do you notice your brain doing any of the above? Well then that’s good, because your brain is normal!
We all experience negative thoughts and emotions in life.
It’s good because you can observe the unhelpful thought patterns, and recognize that they don’t help you take action towards improving your game – by making time for practice, or thinking about HOW to improve your game, or seeing others as inspiration instead of better than you.
Right, so you notice these thought patterns. But how can you use this to build confidence?
The ability to do anything requires that you develop the skills to do it. This is a rule that applies to everyone. Remember learning to write? You didn’t just pick up a pencil in first grade and start writing sentences. It took time – instruction and practicing the movement over and over. And now it is second nature, you don’t even think about it.
The same with golf. You need to put in the time to practise your skills, and increase your experience, if you want to feel confident in your game. So difficult thoughts and feelings may be there, but you do it anyway. Because you know your brain is trying to help you, but improving your game is more important.
Exercise: imagine tomorrow, you wake up, and you have all the confidence in the world.
Absolutely zero self-doubt. Write down answers to these questions:
How would you behave differently to now?
What sort of person would you be?
How would you play the game differently?
What goals would you strive to achieve?
Your answers to the above questions are important, as they can guide your process of developing confidence in your golf game. You can start to act confidently, before feeling confident. Get the ball rolling, and eventually it will fall into the confidence cup!
This article is inspired by the Confidence Gap by Russ Harris. I highly recommend anyone interested in learning more about Acceptance and Commitment Therapy to read this book – to build more confidence in your life.
